“You cannot acquire experience by making experiments. You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.”
This quote by Camus was included in my very first blog post on November 2, 2008. Back then when I started this blog, originally titled EcoGrrl, I was in a very different place…
I was one week from the death of my father after he suffered a hemhorragic stroke in October 2008. This chain of events spurred the creation of this blog, when a writer who was also a co-worker had recommended I try it as a way to work through this beyond pen-and-paper journaling.
Two years into home ownership back in my hometown of Portland, that winter we’d see two feet of snow right over Christmas, shutting the city down and teaching many folks like me to shovel snow for the very first time.
My sweet Daisy, the Rottweiler I’d adopted five yeas prior, was still alive, with four years left in her.
I was working as a recruiter for a small environmental consulting firm, where 3 others that same month would also suffer the loss of a parent.
And in the world at large, we were just a couple days from seeing the awesomeness of Barack Obama being elected President.
Oh yeah – and I was still on The Pill, thinking it was what kept me unpregnant. (The man I was dating back then? I heard he became a father just months after Dan & I lost our baby.)
Back in 2008, I was on Blogspot, and in 2012 changed over to WordPress, so my stats are a bit off to put it mildly. Plus when I imported my blog posts over, I made the dumb mistake of deleting a LOT of the more personal posts that I now wish I would have kept (or at least made private so I still have the record), because I was paranoid someone would find them / read them / know my deepest darkest secrets…when ironically my posts have become fifty times more personal than they were back then. Kind of like how I tossed all my diaries in high school (well actually that was because I found out my mom used to read my sister’s, so I wasn’t going to allow that to happen! should have just found a better hiding spot eh…). Anyhow, some of the stats include:
# of blog posts (currently on file, that is): 2,917
# of views (2012-present): 173,000+
# of likes (2012-present): 8,600+
# of comments (2012-present): 7,300+
I don’t count followers, because I don’t put a ton of stock in them. Number one, a LOT of them end up being bots (want to test if one is a bot? delete them as a follower and watch how the very next day the name will pop up as a new follower..and the next day, and the next…it’s a creepy attempt to get you to come to their website, and WordPress doesn’t allow you to block them from following your page…fucking creepy as hell policy), and Number two, I am not big on counting “silent followers” – you know, the many who follow your blog but don’t ever comment on anything you write? I love interactivity so I don’t consider this stat super valuable.
Another interesting trend is looking at how high my comment numbers got during the years I was actively going through infertility treatments, and how, even though I still occasionally write about it now, because I’ve jumped off the (DE)IVF bandwagon, there are very few who now have anything to say about my writing on that topic beyond those who are in the same stage. Now THAT, my friends, is a perfect example of why us post-IVFers feel so goddamn isolated. I wonder sometimes, if we ever get chosen by a birth mother, will these silent followers who have finally gotten their dream for a child, will they suddenly start engaging again here in blogland? Well fuck that shit if that happens. It reminds me of those people who suddenly disappear when you are going through a break-up or a divorce and then show up again once you have a partner (and are therefore socially acceptable for them to speak to).
Oh wait, and I digress.
Hey it’s been a while since I’ve vented on the whole infertility thing.
Let’s get back on topic.
Ten year blog-a-versary, a boat load of posts from the photos of so many weeks of life I shared to the ultra personal stories of life, love and loss, to my environmental and social views, to the EcoGrrl Interviews I had so much fun doing five years ago, to the professional advice and so, so much more.
And while this blog has led me in so many directions, from healing from the death of my father and the loss of our child, to documenting my adventures in food and gardening and sustainability and travel, the real deal is that the biggest thing this blog has brought me is the ocean I ultimately crossed – and was crossed by him – for me.
It led me to you, babe, and I’m forever grateful that your words and mine intersected, and brought this great love story to life. This blog brought me you.