and i digress…

i was baking…

then what do i do? turn on the stupid tv and see their story glamorizing child pageants, this time ‘little miss UK’.  completely nauseating and should be illegal.  parents who put their children in pageants then try to put the blame on their kids (‘oh she wants to do this, “her talent is being beautiful”, they say) instead of taking accountability for being purely horrible parents.  it constantly blows me away how this is not only allowed but given positive media attention, taking the innocence and wholesomeness about childhood and impressing them at a young age that you are nothing if not wearing makeup, hairspray, and considered socially acceptable and ‘cute’.  it’s funny – if you saw hundreds of little boys being paraded around, people would say ‘oh, that’s humiliating to them’.  so why do we treat our girls with so much less respect?

yes, my tangent has begun…

i watched a news special called ‘what would you do’ where they play-act in the streets to see what people would do. one was college hazing.  first they showed boys doing it to each other, apparently wasted, being violently mistreated and forced to consume what appeared to be large quantities of alcohol.  then they did the same thing with girls.  so what happened with the boys?  people came forward, protesting what was going on, calling the cops, and confronting the boys – taking real action.  and the girls?  people stopped and watched.  took pictures, even cell phone video.  helped the hazers force down the ‘alcohol’ and mock the girls. this was men AND women. it was hours before someone came up and confronted the abusers and you know who it was?  a high school girl.  adults – even MOMS – were silent or even participatory in the abuse. 

how do we get people to respect our girls?  it’s simple.  

love them.  educate them.  defend them.  do NOT tolerate any form of abuse of women, from bullying to rape (by ANYONE, not just strangers) to domestic violence. support ‘women’s’ causes – they are HUMAN causes.  every human should be a feminist.

you love her?  tell her you love her for her BRAINS.  and tell her she’s beautiful at random moments.  pay attention to what makes her eyes light up.  listen.  even when you are tired.  ask her for what you need.  kiss her, hold her hand, write her love letters, surprise her, slow dance with her even if you feel awkward.  don’t compare her to your mother, and don’t ever make her feel she has to compete for your love.

fathers, you are her first love, so don’t fuck it up by disappearing – be the man you want her to fall in love with someday.  protect your sons and daughters equally.  teach her the same things you would teach your son.  embrace her.  even if you don’t understand her, talk to her.  do NOT let her go and do NOT give up on her.

mothers, you are not there to be the best friend, you are there to be a PARENT first and foremost.  do not to push her into fulfilling your lost dreams.  teach her how to be both emotionally and physically healthy.  don’t push your self-image issues on her – help her to be kind, generous, and loving.  encourage her to use her brains and to be an independent thinker. don’t tell her you are ‘naked’ without your makeup.  don’t insult other women – promote sisterhood.

friends, let’s not be afraid as women to have intellectual conversations.  go beyond hair and makeup and the last boy.  do not be afraid to challenge your friends, to tell them when you’re worried about them or when you think they’re doing something stupid (it’s all in the approach…).  let go of passive aggressive.  remind her how wonderful you think she is and how much you value her friendship.

and YOU, my dear girls…don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t be who you want to be, do what inspires you, follow your dreams.  take whatever class you want.  ask questions.  have an opinion AND express it.  you do NOT have to be cooperative every single minute of the day.  use your strengths.  spend your money on following your dreams, not trends or makeup.  know that you are gorgeous in your own skin and that you don’t need ‘stuff’ to make you attractive. treasure your heart, your soul, your evolution as a woman.  and remember, whether it be that financial decision or the job or the social situation or the boy?  follow. your. instincts.

from “what i wish i knew when i was younger”, advice for younger women…

1. You are at least ten times prettier than you think you are. That holds true no matter how pretty you already think you are! Don’t believe me? Ask your mother/auntie/grannie if she thought she was pretty when she was twenty. She’ll say, “no.” Then find a photo of her at that age. See what I mean?

2. The only thing you should be faking is confidence. If you don’t have it yet, pretend you do. In every new situation, pretend you’re not nervous, pretend you’re not afraid. After a few times doing this, the pretend part disappears. 3. Want to try something new, like painting, skiing, running your own business? Go to the library and borrow ten different books on the subject. Skim through them all, find the ones that have the most vital information and study them. Then see number 2.

4. No matter how old you get, remember what it was like to be a nine-year old girl. Remember the feeling of freedom. If you’ve already forgotten, do a cartwheel. You can so still do one. Savour that feeling. Wake up with it every day. You’ll stay young until the day you die.

5. In the same vein, cut or potted flowers are never a waste of money. Because every time we glance at them, they remind us how much beauty there can be in the world.

6. Speaking of money, starting right this moment, whether you’re twenty or sixty, you can change your finances around. Don’t leave someone else completely in charge, whether it’s your husband, partner, parents or banker. Become financially saavy.  Financial independence gives you the freedom to walk away from many bad situations. How do you know you’re in bad situation? See number seven.

7. If your stomach hurts and you haven’t got a virus, you’re in a bad situation. Before you know what it is, your stomach always does. Give yourself some time to ponder what it might be that’s making your stomach hurt. Chances are you already do know, you just don’t want to believe it, for some reason.

8. When meeting someone new and he or she seems to be behaving like a jerk, show compassion first. If after you display your sincere compassion, they are still acting like a jerk, walk away. If they follow you, call the police.

9. Wear sunscreen on your face, neck and hands every day, winter and summer. I don’t care how dark your skin naturally is. Wear it. You’ll remember me when you look in the mirror at age fifty. Always keep in mind that Your body is directly connected to your spirit. Look after your body. Put nothing in your body that can permanently harm your spirit, including the wrong man. 10. And if you are in bed with a man and he’s the right man – meaning your stomach doesn’t hurt, he’s smiling at you, he knows your name, he’s not drunk and neither are you – for goddsakes – enjoy yourself. He is not at all thinking about how fat your thighs look.


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