Assessing the state of our union (guest blog post)


one of our first selfies taken together, being super silly during one of my visits to Oz during our long distance courtship 🙂

“What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow.” ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Last month my husband and I celebrated our first year as a married couple. While it’s been over 4 years since we first met online when he started following my blog (yay for blogging!) and then I his, this coming together to “make it legal” has impacted us in so many amazing ways. With that, we took it upon ourselves to answer these questions about our first year as husband and wife, what many call doing a “state of the union” of sorts. We did a more intense one from another site’s questions we found, which is between the two of us, but this one becomes part of our scrapbook per se – something we can share with our kiddo(s) as they get into the world of love and such. A couple didn’t really pertain to us (no wedding disaster to mention, etc.). So, to celebrate our writing bringing us together, here’s what my sweetheart wanted to share with the world about his perspective of the first year.

What has brought us closer together

Every day stuff like waking up next to each other, tooling around in the garden, riding/walking together. The big ones would probably be (in no particular order): picking up our dog Ruby last fall and watching her mature into what she is today, she’s an awesome beast who likes staring at the wall for disconcertingly long periods; Aimee rescuing me from the clutches of MKP. I realized that what she did was out of unconditional love and it floored me; and finally, deciding to expand our family beyond that of canines (and possibly felines). At the present moment we are still working on it but we both know another human whether home-grown or off the rack will enter our lives soon.

What is your favourite memory of this first yr together?

Only one?! On our honeymoon, we visited Port Angeles where my favorite writer (ironically, born in Oregon where my wife was as well) Raymond Carver lived in for the last years of his short life. Visiting his grave was super important, especially the note pad next to it where folks could write a few words (his wife tends to it and occasionally responds making it extra special). Along with this, I’ve loved how we’ve been adding things to our nest, using the strength of our hands and sweat of our brows such as building a new clothesline out of wood, making a huge compost bin out of scrap wood and painting our home. I also loved that we returned to Short Sands, Manzanita, and Haystack Rock where we shared so many memories (including where we got married).

What’s surprised you about being married?

Probably the way in which I’ve re-learnt my attitude towards love. This ain’t small l” love its BIG “L” and to me that means so much more depth to a relationship. Oh and being actually married! 5 years ago it was not something I had on the cards.

Anything shocking you’ve learned about your spouse?

No…is there anything i should know? 🙂

What’s a bonus quality about your spouse you didn’t know about until you were married?

I kind of knew this about her, but have seen it up close and personal now that we’re married, and that’s if you cross her or me, watch out! She will fight tooth and nail for what she believes is right.

If you could do anything different, what would you do?

Nothing. You can’t do something like that again, as it says to me, ‘whatever we did the first time was less than good’, which is bullshit.

What have you learned from your spouse this year?

To be more accepting and forgiving of myself.

Have your feelings changed about your spouse this year?

Of course they have..they’ve developed and gotten stronger! I honestly didn’t think I could love another person this much…it’s a strange new world but I’m staying!

What is something you’ve done and has made a difference in your marriage and that you’d give as advice to others on their wedding day?

Be as open as you can about your feelings and thoughts and thinking, even if you don’t like them. It’s imperative to share everything both good and not so good, because if you don’t, the balance between each other is thrown out of whack. All doors need to be opened up and left open – do that and you are in for a great time and can lay down at night and say “I’ve done my best.” Another thing is to create some sort of ritual with each other before dropping off to sleep…get creative and stick to it.

And us now, here in his adopted hometown of Portland!

And us now, here in his adopted hometown of Portland! I love this man!


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