Back to Me

one selfie a year from 2008 to 2015…and I realized there are none of just me from 2016…8 months of looking at my uterus for the answer…maybe it’s time to look up…

2008 to Present

I’ve been writing this blog for 8 years this fall. Holy crap. Since a coworker at the consulting firm I was at back then suggested it as great therapy as I prepared for my father’s impending death, to today where I can look back and see its documentation of so many things I’ve experienced, I am finding myself preparing for another evolution in my writing.

The other day a blogger I’ve recently started following whose writing I very much have enjoyed mentioned that one of my posts about my pregnancy loss was also a strong piece of writing, and as I sat in the depths of grief I could not respond to her comments. I couldn’t respond to much at all. But today, Sunday, I started to think about it. The funny thing is, most if not all of you reading these days have not gone far back into my blogs, back to the days before I met my husband, when I was learning how to live a life as a daughter without a father (not that he was terribly engaged in my life after leaving town to start his own family and see me only once a year since the age of 10), when I was evolving in my career before I’d started my own business back in 2012, when I was learning so much about myself and where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be, and…when I was writing from my right brain more than my left.

I don’t see my recent words as my best, not even close, because I’ve written so much before this that I still go back to myself and read. Some of my best writing on this blog is contained in the Notebook category, and many pieces in it came from a weekly series of visual prompts from the blog Magpie Tales that pulled out the words from me, many telling the tales of where I was headed and where I had been, of who captivated my mind and my heart, and of how I saw the world on both the good and bad days. Occasionally my husband and I re-read these, as they tell bits of our story and offer a look back into the world as we first met, first connected, and first fell in love.

And so this reminder of me as the writer I am has helped me think of the core of who I am when it comes to words on paper (or screen)…not just narrating this string of events in trying to turn my body into that of a mother, or lists of things I am digging when it comes to the earth or its people, or the occasional career-related commentaries…there is this whole other side of me that needs to be rekindled.

I’m seeing glimmers, you know. Even if my pace has slowed to a crawl, I do know that I will stretch again, I will open again, I will evolve again. Much is rushing to my mind, awaiting exploration and consideration.

Look for more of me soon. Not just this belly.



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