Birthday 37

my birthday surprised me in beautiful and quiet ways, unexpected and different and mellow and sweet… while i’m at home with ‘the bachelor’ in the background (no judging!  no judging!  it’s a car accident you can’t look away from!), and had to work today (the first time i’ve broken tradition and not taken the day off to be a bum), i came home tonight happy for the little things that added up and touched my heart over the past week.  like i did when i was a little girl, here i am writing down the things that came my way…and they were special because they were so genuine…i’ve never cared about stuff and would rather have a whole night holed up in front of a dvd with a friend than something expensive that lacked authenticity…these folks are true…

  • beautiful earrings made just for me!  with my birthstone!  (i shall b wearing this sunday…*)

  • a gorgeously framed photo of the two of us in a happy (and quite leggy…) moment out on the town.

  • a visit on saturday complete with brought fabulously profane postcards with the words FUCK all over them!  and blackberry jam to boot!  hells yeah!

  • beautiful messages from puerto rico and virginia making me feel all warm and fuzzy

  • a song that made me grin through tears as i read her post.

  • my stepmother sent me a card that made me wonder.  she and i were the only ones in the room when my dad took his last breath.  it was the only time we genuinely hugged. i’ve not spoken to her or seen her since the burial – just a random card between us once or twice a year.  wish i knew how she felt about me, why she still reaches out when her children, my ‘sisters’, do not reach back.  perhaps i’m a bigger reminder of him.

  • one of my closest friends took me out to the sapphire hotel, a lovely cozy warm hideaway with delicious cocktails and lots of nibbles and a bread pudding to share.  caught up on so much conversation, braved up to speak of the hurts i have written but rarely spoke of out loud.  laughed and giggled and forgot the time.  perfect.

  • the sing-song of four girls i work with calling out ‘happy birthday’ to me as i walked into the building.

  • the quiet lunch in the thai place down the street with the van jones book i’m currently buried in.  no one offered to take me out and i didn’t call any attention to my day at work.  it was simply a day to be at work, a quiet cloudy day to get some fresh air and bring a mocha back to my desk and finish the day.

  • relief after a twelve hour day away from home that my pup did not have an accident before i got home!!

  • a hand-delivered, handmade card left in my mailbox from my sista in the ‘hood.

  • breathing better now that i’ve extricated myself from facebook.

  • realizing i started the thirty seventh year in the place i spent my very first day on this earth. (did i admit all that out loud?)

it’s good for me, right?  my friend tonight told me i should wear what i wore tonight and so that with some pretty new birthday grrl earrings and i’ll see if i can shake loose the thought of the boy who threw it all away.


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