The writer in me has been emerging frequently as of late. Write about the earth, the life, the heart, the soul, the struggles, the triumphs. Write about what you know, and write about what you don’t know. Write about what inspires you, what challenges you, what drives you, what helps you see more clearly. Write as much or as little as you see fit. Express whatever rings true at that moment, and allow it to teach you about yourself and your universe. Lose the fear, reach out the hand, you will not fall.
Handwritten notes affect me deeply. I love letters and poems in all of their forms, whether it be with the pen, the keyboard, the text message, the song. Allowing the passion to burst forth through the written is a gift to oneself and a gift to the person you are sharing with. Nothing needs to be perfect, as our intricacies are what draw us to each other. We each have beautiful stories and need to treasure those.
This morning I heard from her. One of the few communications since his death. One of the few communications that didn’t enclose a piece of him. Is it strange to just see the address and feel tears well up? The night he died I came back to his house afterwards around 3am and sat there in shock. I bundled up the photos of he and I, grabbed the hat he’d worn for 30 years, and took off into the mountains. I was still rational at the time. Then I drove home. I remember this summer receiving a package from her as I was planting my garden. I opened it up as I sat on the ground, and I saw his military medal fall out in slow motion. I was paralyzed. I sat in my driveway surrounded by the beautiful dirt and felt the tide right at my back. I learned through this grief to accept it in whatever form. I talked about it, I acknowledged it, I wrote about it, I allowed myself to have those moments. Heartache is there to teach, to lead us into new mountaintops. Do you see where I’m taking you?
Aftershocks still happen on a regular basis. What happened to me is not something unique to the human experience. It made me more human to have lost a part of me, and it encouraged me to see all the freedom I never knew that I had. Freedom to live and love and journey and wander and celebrate, letting my heart be exposed and letting my mind and body feel the warmth that I never realized was all around me.