i can

i can think of many ways that i can’t but i can

it’s hard, it’s so so so so hard, but i’m getting there i’m being more attentive i’m slowing down

and in cases where i’ve not typically done it? i’m learning to stand up for myself. listen to my instincts. address things before they go too far.

tonight i sat with women who made me proud to be a woman. i’m headed there. baby steps. but i’m headed there.

yesterday i sat with someone who encouraged me to move faster, not slower. empowered me to speak up more, defer less.

today i spoke with a mentor who guided me, solidified my instincts, pushed me to lead. wow.

last night i got to be lazy and laugh and listen and babble with one of my closest friends. he sees me.  i see him.  ever feel at home wherever you are with someone?  voila. how beautiful is that.

this afternoon a colleague complimented me on my decreasing shape. today i found honor in honoring my body. i am learning…tentatively.

it rained like a midwestern storm today and the sun came out so fast it was a memory.  the weather i live in reminds me of the world i inhabit – wait five minutes, it will change.  the key is that faith, that trust.

can it be true?  am i really learning to trust? i am humbled. i am real. i am alive.


Post Script: One Year Ago I wrote another piece.  Both neighbors I discussed in this post are now deceased.  The gentleman passed just recently, the woman passed 6 weeks after I wrote it, while I was in the UK.  I learned later that the cancer in her brain is what affected her reality, and therefore personality.  Nearly a year later, her home remains uninhabited.  Her yard is being taken over by blackberry vines and seven foot weeds.  But I have not forgotten her.

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