my beloved doc martens, a rare studio shot from my seattle days
do you know what it’s like to have this avid hunger inside of you, when you just want to take it all in, experience every sensation, live so fully and see the art in everything…? when you see a person or an object or a tree and your mind goes click-click, shoot that…? or you hear words uttered and instantly feel the urge to write it down, keep that thought for later…? or find yourself humming a tune you’ve never hummed, just feeling the music in your step.
there are dual sides of me and i am seeing them integrating in a way that pleases me. feeling more of the woman i am than i ever have before – following my instincts, learning lessons, absorbing the sensations, saying no when i mean no and yes when i mean yes. not always the easiest thing to do in this world that wants to challenge you to bend to the status quo. when they don’t know what to do at your laugh, or your presence, or your words.
i communicate a lot. sounds interesting to state that, but i am a thinker and i have been blessed with incredible individuals in my life who allow me to do just that without judgment or oversensitivity…they know it is me to work things out aloud, and at other times retreat into my own little world so i can have the quiet. on the tests i toe the line between introvert and extrovert, feeding off the energy of others at times, then finding my breath within.
thinking about what i want these past few months and it’s so clear…someone once said ‘don’t clip my wings and i won’t clip yours’ and it was so perfect for how i feel with the people i share my time with..do what you gotta do to take care of yourself, embrace the direction you want to take in your life and share your world with those who support all your dreams and want you just as you are. and those who toxify your world? bub-bye. nothing harsh, nothing cruel, just know that time is best spent with those who see the sweetness in who you are. no one has to live a replicate of another’s life – how much fun would that be? i think that’s why i have such a love affair with my friends – we are so unique from each other, coming from so many walks of life and following such individual paths, yet are each other’s biggest supporters, always finding the time in whatever way meshes with the person to share words, time, affection.
anyone who knows me knows that i am this force of nature. sometimes unknowingly causing others to take a step back, but offering all of my heart to those who are willing to experience a woman who has always danced to her own rhythm, rode down quiet roads and busy highways, and given my energies to love and life and art. yes i can dwell at times, i can overwhelm at times, i can retreat and hide at times, i can spill over with emotion and alternately put up the walls. but each day i try to be a stronger person, and the older i get the more peace i feel in the days, in the music i hear, in the words i write.
i am so grateful for the gifts and i am so thankful for the people and i am so happy to live this life. no matter where it leads me, it is full and gorgeous and memorable.