“Keep going to the limit of endurance. With a hammer well-aimed, try to destroy the whole at a single blow.” ~ from the instructions for Indestructible Object (Object to be Destroyed)
But that’s not me. I am not indestructible. I am not fierce. I am not the drama they urge me to be. I cannot cut out your eye, I cannot do anything besides huddle here in this corner, my raw heart in hand, having offered it out and having you push my hand away. You smiled at me in such a way that I was home, I was safe. You spoke to me in such a way that I could never say goodbye, I was adored.
Today I am raveled nerves and I am aching in this devastation. My eyes are red, my arms hug my legs, my lips are chapped and the sun that parts today’s clouds do nothing but remind me only that you’re not home with me. I have no anger, only the hurt and the nerves that shake my belief that you were true. I was true.
This day is a collection of lyrics, quiet guitars, and the song sung with tears in my eyes and a catch in my throat.
I love you. Even as I watch you walk away with no explanation. I love you.
My poor heart It’s been so dark Since you’ve been gone After all you’re the one who turns me off But you’re the only one who can turn me back on ~ Turn Me On (Norah Jones)