“Wanting to do it was much more powerful than the fright.” ~ Charlotte Gainsbourg
this is my everything, my moment of vision, where i see the world as it escapes through the lines below my fingertips. you listen to me in all my sincerity, and you feel my softness. where on earth could i ever feel this way, i thought. dreaming of below and behind and around the next bend, i saw the girl i was and laughed at the way i’d drive my pickup truck down dusty mountain roads. i headed for the rockies that day in deep red lipstick and one foot resting on the window, toying with the rearview as i flew outta there.
run, baby, run past the arms of the familiar
a girl like me recognized that there was one place she couldn’t be. high up where the altitude bumped into her mind, crushing the air and salting her wounds. he never forgave her for leaving but she knew, that was not where she was to be. long roads and soundtracks and someday she’d find home again. faster, and over the hills and into the stars as she drove along cliffs towards something, something.
Ya can tell ya self ya dreaming buddy, But no sleep runs this deep.
he was in the same town at the same time, high atop the highest peak, wandering around a strange country, a land that melted into his young mind. twenty or so years would pass before their unknown intersection would be discovered. she never knew the world she floated around in would divulge so much, spare so little, empty her out and push her to the brink. and cry out she did, dreaming she walked, living her life through film and used up ball point pens and a whole lotta love. her records sat in boxes as she spun and every few years there would be a spark…eyes lighting up, corners of her lips tentatively up. ghosts. wisps of some day far off when she’d breathe easy. remembering her old life as he remembered his. it’s past, it’s done, it gently knocks, but the sound fades quickly.
new journey, old comfortable heart. sweet girl, falling into his arms. this time, open. sitting together, watching the sea, letting the old albums play and this morning’s sunrise begin new verses. she gets up, dances a little to herself, humming the tune as he mumbled the words into her ears. this time it’s okay. he holds her this time for real. the music doesn’t play, yet the girl and boy sway. a thousand years may pass but all they knew was this, no matter what the others might say, was their home. other lives left behind, other hearts never knew what they had together. he left that fright, she opened that door, they sat. he looked at her, he grabbed her hand and smiled. home.
But I ain’t a turnin’ back To livin’ that old life no more So rock me mama like a wagon wheel Rock me mama anyway you feel Hey mama rock me