Personal revolution in my life…those words echoed through me. In this life I have often felt pulled in two different directions, and the older I get, the closer I get to the things that mean the most to me, and making the decisions that are best for ME. Getting my hands dirty and creating, growing, discovering, wandering….that’s what fulfills me. I took a new job, and after a season without traditional living, I felt my heart ache today for the life I should be living. There is a purpose in what I am doing in this unusual role, and I have to remind myself of that daily – this is not my father’s footsteps. There are no fires burning in me when I arrive each day, but that’s okay as long as I remember my intentions. It’s ironic, as the fires are strongest when I am feeling the wind on my cheeks, and then subside as I feel the stale air. But there is a reason I am doing this, and I know if I just maintain focus, I will get through this feeling of unsettlement. Learning what I don’t want to learn, feeling the drudgery, knowing exactly where I need to be and reminding myself that this invest of time now will give me the lifetime I am seeking later.
So tonight I head out to volunteer with an organization close to my heart, be around people who I really identify with. Where is better than when you feel your work directly benefiting others? I have been somewhat immobile for four years in this domestication, and while I treasure it, I also am strongly tied to my gypsy roots. So now I must work on untying those knots I created while still nurturing the bonds that keep me grounded. Enjoy the sensual experience of nature while taking care of business. And I know it’s close. I feel it so close, teasing me, reminding me of all that I am capable of and all that is possible in my life. It’s delicious.
What ties you to this earth? What holds you back? What steps are you taking to live life out loud?