In a little over a month, I’ll be getting married, and the first thing of course everyone asks is, “how’s the wedding planning going?”
It kind of makes me giggle, as the planning is done, and for me, these last few weeks are just about helping my fiance coordinate immigration & relocation logistics as he prepares for tomorrow’s visa interview in Sydney. Hearts are racing we are so excited!!! Our wedding next month is the icing on our cake, a rite of passage as we write our next chapter together.
But seriously, we are planning a life together, and getting married is a tiny, tiny moment in a lifetime together, if we’re all being honest. My thoughts are much more on the lines of being a good partner, getting through the challenges, learning how to be a family, all that stuff that no number of past relationships can teach you because every partnership, every marriage, every dynamic is unique.
Our wedding is simple, green, creative, and about us. So is our marriage.
I love this couple’s dedication to going through a yearly relationship summit, to really dig deep into how the past year has gone and what each of them wants for the future, the challenges they’re facing, and how they want to move forward successfully. And while as a couple you want to always be having these conversations, like the author said, this commitment to renew your contract of sorts can really help along the way with the intensity that can occur. Like she said, “These are the big issues. Ones that can’t be solved when things are heated and doors are slamming. Ones that won’t resolve themselves with makeup sex.”
And the site this article was on, Offbeat Home (the follow-up website to Offbeat Bride), has so many great resources and real-life stories and interviews as they talk to couples after the big day to see how they’re getting through the day in and day out of living this life together.
We’re smarter doing this in our 40’s. But we’re still constantly learning.
I love this man like no other, but he still can make me batty sometimes, and I him. But we have found a way thus far to focus on the good, not battle to the end, be vulnerable with each other and protect what we have in the fiercest ways. Getting married at 40 is much different than at 26, as you can imagine, and as the saying goes, “the things I know now…” But that’s the beauty of life – everyone is a rookie at it. Everyone has the power to reach out and ask for help when things are befuddling or frustrating. And that goes for relationships. No friends or parents or classes or television shows or self-help book can give you all the answers or examples for how your marriage should work.
He reads to me stories and poetry, both his and that of others. As he works on projects around the house, he sings in this gorgeous deep voice that gives me happy chills. He questions me fearlessly and not only apologizes when he’s fucked up, but takes meaningful steps to repair and rebuild trust – and vice versa for me. He tells me he loves me all the time, and asks me to dance as we get up from a table at a restaurant. He loves learning as do I – about the natural world, about humanity, about philosophy, about food, so much…and with no ego or attitude. He sees all sides of me yet as he said loves me because every day he discovers new facets of me that intrigue him – and I think the same of him. I always learn something from him – how to be, how to think, how to do, yet never feel like I’ve lost myself, as we both protect and adore each other’s uniqueness.
It’s been worth the wait.